It’s too early for small talks,I moved away from people who might ask me what I’m doing here,a lone Pinay. Baka kako i-Chinese pa ako,wala din naman ako masasagot.
As I sat in a hospital bench,waiting for my mother to complete her admission,I looked back on how my 2015 and first month of 2016 turned out.
Well,how was 2015? I had 365 days of love and hate at work,some close friends leaving,gained new ones,attended conferences and concerts(my first to watch a foreign band),2 mountains(the second one being the third highest peak in the Phillipines,so I’ll forgive myself that I only climbed two,tsaka you know,schedule and stuff),sunsets at the beach(Manila bay included,oo kahit mabaho! Ang siste,makikita mo daw and pinakamagandang sunrise sa Pulag,pero ang pinakamagandang sunset sa Manila bay),attended a wedding,my second year being a Cornerstone volunteer,and of course,going home to my beloved Ilocos.
If someone asked me what was my most notable memory of 2015,my Mount Pulag climb would be the best one,pero hindi ang pinaka-highlight.
I’d like to call it “My Heart” weekend.
While my heart beats fast for some uncontrollable reason,my mind tried to race with it,bakit ako nandito? Biglang may cardiac monitor at ECG tracings,IV insertions,blood extractions. Doctors and nurses trying to solve the mystery why my heart was beating fast?
The doctor asked me my whole name,who I was with and what happened. I tried to piece it all together. I told them what I know. After a while,after medicine has found it’s way into my heart,I cried.
Kase nakakahiya,nakakatakot,nakakabigla. 25 years old,isang nurse pero nandoon bilang isang pasyente.
8 hours sa Emergency room,isang araw at kalahati sa ICU,at isang araw pa sa floors. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin masabi ng mga doctor ko ang exact na cause,sabi sa Thyroid,o baka daw may problema talaga sa puso. For me,hayaan na lang ang cause muna,I was glad that I was okay,that I was alive.
Overwhelmed pa rin ako hanggang ngayon sa mga nangyari. Turning point yun ng buhay ko. Narealize ko that health is wealth ika nga,na hindi mo magagawa ang mga bagay na gusto mo,hindi ka magagamit ng Diyos sa mga bagay na gusto Niyang pagawa,kung may sakit ka at mahina ang katawan.
I learned that you could rely on people,na hindi mo kayang gawin lahat. Madami din palang nagmamahal sa akin kahit papano,nasa malayo man o malapit. I got to see people who cared and prayed.
I got to see God and His never ending miracles.
Maraming tao,kahit sa mga nananampalataya,pati din ako,ang cynical sa milagro. Ngayon,I am believer. 2015 was full of miracles,and God isn’t done yet.
So paano naman yung unang buwan ko ng 2016?
New years day was for fireworks and friends. My work does not allow me the luxury of long weekends and holidays,I stayed in the city and was resolve to let the year pass in the hospital (which happens every year since I started working).
But God has His ways of surprising you. Hindi nga naman natatapos talaga ang biyaya ng Panginoon. Na-Holiday rest ako and a welcoming home of a close friend served as an added gift. We spent the whole evening eating ang playing billiards,and laughing. Yes,since the three of us were spending holidays away from home,the company of each other and laughter made everything bearable,and happy.
Our stomach was full and our spirits high. Kaya lang,may mga trabaho na kailangang balikan,responsibilidad na kasama ng pagtanda. Two years na din pala ako sa aking trabaho,I never thought I could get pass it,pero andito pa rin ako,akalain mo yun?
Dahil may gustong patunayan sa sarili,umakyat ulit ako ng bundok. Against the advice of everyone,I planned to hike again. I got my clearance from my doctor,1 week of prepping,I was set to go.
God’s majesty,yun lang talaga. Walang ganun kagandang lugar kung hindi dahil sa kanya. It was a weekend to remember,with a good company,hot sopas and chicken na walang sauce. Mount Pulag welcomed us,the sea of clouds was visible,the day was perfect.
More than the beauty of the mountain,I treasured more the friends I was with. Last year,ng una akong umakyat,I was with my HighSchool buddies,my sister and my colleague. Ngayon naman I was with my SFC family. Sobrang blessed lang talaga ako sa mga kaibigan,na gustong umakyat din ng bundok at pagurin ang sarili,at game sa kasiyahan,pero andiyan din sa mga oras na kailangan mo ng karamay.
Ngayon,nasa waiting area ako ng isang hospital sa ibang bansa,inaantay na matapos ang operasyon ng nanay ko. There will be moments like this,family members and friends who are sick,some get well,some may not. There will be hearts broken and spirits crushed.
Every year is different,but there are constant and infinite truths. The love and grace of God,the care of family and friends,the lesson of responsibility and resilience,the joy that this world gives,the sorrow and pain for us to learn and stay strong.
Andito tayo para mabuhay,gawin lang natin ng tama.