(Just for today)
They taught us a lot of things but you will never be prepared for 2 am sadness,and how it will cripple you and your self esteem.
It is the hour for music and musing,why the world feels discontent,why you feel undervalued. Or why you’re awake at 2 am and have these thoughts.
In my case,my 2 am’s are spent in some 24 hour convenience store,eating anything instant. This was suppose to be my dinner,but skipping meals has been a daily routine.
I dont enjoy food like they used to be. It does not even bring the gratification that a full stomach could give.
Books lately have been helpful,but not as useful as before. They sit and stare at me,unopened and unappreciated. They lost their marvel,the adventures that are inside them are waiting for me to explore.
Going out for me means going to work. And thats it.
I seem to have lost the will to try lately. I wake up and go about the day. But where is living in those hours that I breathe?
And I avoid people. An irony to what I do at work,for I deal with everyone. Be the best caring person I could be,while at the back of my mind,I want to quit,just walk away from all of this,but then I look at the clock and remember I have a catheter to drain.
Love more,they say. I try,but it doesn’t measure up.
(Bear in mind Tets,this is just for today.)